Felix Muskego- The Many Lost Years
My name is Felix Muskego from Cold Lake First Nation. Trying to recall, and go back 50 years is very difficult. It’s very hard, and I went back there many times, trying to get a glimpse, trying to understand, trying to piece together, the many lost years.
I spent 13 years in a residential school, I was taken at five years old, 1957, and I got out 1970. And during those times, the most profound feeling, is one of being lost. Brought up to be afraid to express yourself, express your humanity, on a daily basis. We were afraid to even do anything, because whether you’re right or wrong, you were punished for it. It’s always physical punishment, belittlement.
Very little praise in the school for whatever you may have done good, or whatever. To grow up as a child in a normal family, that wasn’t to be because you’re separated, even in that school. I had most of my family went there, and we were separated by age group, gender, and once in a while you got to see your brother, sister, couldn’t talk to them.
This is what we’re exposed to year after year after a year. I could not understand who gave them the right to do this to you. For many years, I struggled with that, who gave them the right to treat you this way, like a non-human being, a non-person, you know? I just, I don’t…
I guess I went there, I first got there, and they give you a number, and that’s your name. Your number was your name, and we had to go rank and order. And there again, they taught you to… to try to indoctrinate you with religion, pound in you a fear of God or whatever God’s supposed to be.
Made you pray, maybe seven times a day. Go to church every morning, whether you like it or not, on your hands and knees, on a cold cement floor to say your Catholic prayers.
– Felix Muskego
Notes:
Felix Muskego Testimony. SC149_part05. Shared at Alberta National Event (ABNE) Sharing Circle. March 29, 2014. National Centre for Truth and Reconciliation holds copyright. https://archives.nctr.ca/SC149_part05
