John Janvier- I Was Lonely All the Time
The first time I went to Blue Quills was 1946, and at that time it was okay to, for any adults to beat up a child I guess, or slap them around. And we were not allowed to express our opinions, if we did, we got slapped around. I think because of that, you know that early experience like that, I was unable to, you know… I don’t have any emotion. I mean, that’s my survival, getaway I guess, because for many years, I had no emotion no I never cried and never, I didn’t even feel happy at any time.
So later on in my life- maybe I’ll get back to this school thing again. The thing about being lonesome, was at nights when everybody else was sleeping, and some snoring.
There was a big room like this with cots and we each had our own little cot, and at nights, some nights there’ll be full moon. So I used to go to the window and look at the moon, and I talk to the moon. I used to ask the moon, “if you’re, if you are shining on my parents? Are you the same moon, shining on my parents?”
You know and that’s, that’s how I used to kind of ease my loneliness, I guess, I don’t know. But anyway, that’s one of the things I used to do and then, after that it was lonely. I was lonely all the time.
– John Janvier
Notes:
John Janvier Testimony. SC142_part03. Shared at Alberta National Event (ABNE) Sharing Circle. March 28, 2014. National Centre for Truth and Reconciliation holds copyright. https://archives.nctr.ca/SC142_part03
